Sorry, Not Sorry
I’ve never wanted children. And I still don’t. And never will. That is me being honest and unapologetic. To be a 45-year-old woman and say that out loud often makes me a target. People judge me. Because let’s face it, it seems as though every woman is supposed to want children. Further, it feels like every woman is expected to have children.
From an early age, I knew I never wanted children.
I’m the youngest in my family. I never babysat. Instead, I was an athlete, a competitive figure skater, and that sport is demanding AF. My days growing up started with my sounding off at 3:45 am. My devoted mother would drive me from Maryland to Alexandria, VA before school to practice. Afterward, we would drive back to Maryland for school. Then after school, we’d head right back to Alexandria.
My mother is a saint for doing all of that for all those years. I think a part of me may have never wanted children because I saw how much time she sacrificed. I don’t think she regrets it because we had wonderful times and memories. However, to me, I understood even at that time, that having children could mean I would never have time for myself.
Motherhood? Nah, I’m Good
I have never wanted children, and this was reinforced in my twenties. Random people would ask me how many kids I wanted. I would freeze. I heard my friends and other women exclaim, “Two! Three! Four! Five! As many as possible.” Inside, I would squirm, and think, “What’s wrong with these people? Ewww.” I would remain silent, but the conversation inevitably turned to me. And I would reply vehemently, “NONE!” Oh, and how the looks would come. Followed by the interrogations. Backed-up by the judgy comments:
“Oh, you’ll change your mind.” (No, I won’t.)
“Just wait, it’s the greatest thing life can give you.” (Doubt it.)
Why don’t you want children? (I don’t fucking know. Why don’t you like Brussel sprouts?)
Why is it SOOOOO difficult for someone to accept that what is appealing to them may not be appealing to someone else, especially regarding birthing children? I always tell my clients that they do not have to JADE (justify, argue, defend, or explain themselves to others). So, why…